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First question I have is Any good baking or dessert Medifast recipes you'd like to share? Thanks in advance for any answer. Another question on my mind: Hi everyone! I read everyones posts all the time, I just rarely comment. I just have some stuff on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest, to people who know, or will know, what I'm going through..

I had my RNY.

Surgery.

May 24th, 2010 When I started the program, I was 250. I am now down to 168.8, as of this morning. I feel great, besides for when I look at my saggy skin that looks like a wrinkly 90 years old skin, I do feel great. I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror now. Not in a narcissist way, but in a way that I find things I like about myself now, instead of everything I hate..

I still feel mentally like the old me (I know this is normal, and takes a while for your brain to catch up), so I still "feel" fat. This weekend, I got to buy a pair of size 12 pants from Charlotte Russe, the one place I've dreamt of shopping all my life. It felt amazing..

I've noticed more often lately that my relationships with people are changing. More so, I feel that their relationship with me is, or has changed. For example, my neighbor and I used to be really close, and she was the one who drove me to my.

Surgery.

(babysitter issues caused my husband and mother and sister to get there right before I went back for.

Surgery.

). On the way down to the hospital, my neighbor kept saying that I was going to be a skinny bitch (it was all in fun, it didn't bother me at the time). Well, right as we were pulling into the hospital parking lot, she tells me "she doesn't know if she'll be able to be my friend when I'm all skinny." She laughed it off, but damn, that was really below the belt, and that changed things for me as far as our relationship went. I've only talked to her a couple of times since the.

Surgery.

, and each time it's been "skinny bitch" this, or "skinny bitch" that, and it's gone from good funny ribbing to uncomfortable for me. My husband even witnessed it one time and was like, "Damn, now I know what you were saying about how she is acting.".

My mother in law has started that too lately (She is extremely overweight as well, and has been told by a couple of her doctors that they would recommend her to have the.

Surgery.

There has been a scare recently of her having a silent heart attack, and she had to have.

Surgery.

This past Tuesday to have a ligament removed from her knee because it tore, and wore itself down to the bone). Secretly I'm hoping my success so far with the.

Surgery.

Will inspire her to take the steps available to save her life. I love her dearly, and don't want anything to happen to her..

My SIL, who is 19, is also overweight. She has been depressed about it for a while, and has tried and failed at numerous diets and.

Exercise.

, just as we all have. I talked to her one time about it, and recommended she go down and talk to my medical center that specializes in the weight loss and.

Surgery.

, and look at her options. There are other options other than.

Surgery.

, and I would never her push her into.

Surgery.

, I just want to help her to get help, if she wants it. Well, she and I were texting tonight, and she told me that she is depressed because she is fat, and how upset she was to see pictures of herself on Halloween, and I told her that I think she is beautiful no matter what she looks like ( I know it's a cliche statement to say, but I truly genuinely mean it, I think she is gorgeous, even if she doesn't see it). She responded with "LOL well...you don't live fat anymore so it's easier to say". All I could think is "What the hell? Now my own family is acting this way towards me?" Heck, I still don't know what to think, besides it makes me ache inside..

Why do I feel guilty for having this.

Surgery.

?.

I was blessed to not have a single co-morbidity before.

Surgery.

My BP was perfect, so was my cholesterol, no problems whatsoever. I just hated being fat. I had spent so many years (I'm 27 now) hating myself, that I truly just ran out of energy to hate myself. I know that sounds absurd, but one day I woke up and was like, I have no energy to do this to myself anymore, and thats when I started the process of having this.

Surgery.

..

My support network is small. My husband still til this day will tell me he thinks I was stupid for having this done, that I should have just ate smaller portions and exercised. He's yet to compliment me on how the new me looks. He's the one big reason I had the.

Surgery.

For, because I truly felt that if I lost weight, he would show more interest in me, in that way. I felt, if I couldn't show affection towards myself at that size, why would he. Now, I know me saying that makes him sound horribly mean, and on occasion, he can be. But we still laugh together, and we are still intimate (probably more so now because I want it more often), and he is respectful to me. He is just very opinionated, and will not sugar coat it for me, if I ask for his opinion..

I can go on and on, but what I'm really getting at is why do people say that I've changed, or they act differently to me, when for the most part, I am still the same me on the inside? Granted, I am happier, and I do have more confidence (not a lot, but a lot more than what I had before the.

Surgery.

), but I am still insecure. I still doubt myself constantly. AND I still have days when I put on clothes and look at the mirror and think to myself how fat I am. Almost 80 lbs later, I still have fat days..

I don't want my relationships to change. I know that I have control over only myself, but damn, why do things have to change?.

Thanks for "listening".

Kim..

Comments (17)

That's a good question. I'm not sure what is the answer to your question. I'll do some poking around and get back to you if I discover an decent answer. You should email the people at Medifast as they probably could answer your Medifast question..

Comment #1

I too, have noticed the changed in ppl and how they relate to me. Some of my friends will not even look me in the face. WTF! Sometimes, my dear friend calls me, but will not talk about me...we talk about her and if I should let her know how I am doing, she change the subject. I feel like some of my friends are uncomfortable with me. I really try to ignore it. But it's there..

I guess you already know...this has to be for you. sorry this is happening. Don't let no one take your power or joy about who you are now. You earned it..

I guess you already know...we have changed. We walk a little more straighter and stand a little taller. We smile a little more and stand up for ourselves. We find a little more joy in living and see the world with our future in it...we say we are the same, but I know I have changed. I rejoice the blessing I was given.....

Comment #2

I'm only 3 wks out from my RNY, but lost 75 pounds prior to.

Surgery.

..

I have changed, and that's a really good thing. I've always been a compassionate person, but never extended any to myself. My weight loss and the "head work" that I've been doing to make this weight loss permanent have helped me to extend grace & love to myself for the first time. I am no longer last in my own life, in fact I'm at the head of the line, where I'm supposed to be :) Not an easy change for those around me, who have grown accustomed to having their needs be put first always. My sweet husband is my #1 cheer leader and my weight loss has brought up his own insecurities, his life has changed right along with mine - but he didn't chose the change. We just keep.

Talking.

, I'm.

Learning.

That bringing up the icky stuff is alot less painful than letting it lie in the long run..

I've also found that there are people in this world who surround themselves with fat people, to make themselves feel better about them selves... and when you aren't playing your role any longer, they get snotty.I don't get it, but when I've talked to other's with lg wt losses, they've also noticed this weird relationship shift. I do not allow people to speak to me disrespectfully any longer and have been quick to ask "What do you mean when you say..." or "What is your intention when you say...?" when snarky comments start. Stops the comments quick, but also allows for the opportunity for real conversation with those I care about. Along with my wall of fat, I've lost several friends & acquaintances along the way. And that too is ok, I deserve mutually respectful, caring relationships.

Been there, done that. I just keep bringing the topic up for.

Discussion.

, reminding myself that their comments aren't personal... aren't even really about me, but are a reflection of their own pain & fear. What I do know is that I absolutely deserve to be treated with the same respect I extend to others all the time, and I require it from those around me..

But the first step, the biggest step is to begin to extend loving kindness and respect to yourself, to put yourself first. This time is for me and for me alone..

I wish you the very best on your journey!..

Comment #3

A lot of time we are self deprecating before.

Surgery.

And put the needs and wants of others first. After.

Surgery.

We have to take care of ourselves and can't indulge in self destructive behaviors. The people we lived that lifestyle with don't understand why you can't do the things you used to do. In a way you have changed but only in the sense that you take care of you now. I.

Hope.

It gets better but if not you may have to just tell them to shut it...

Comment #4

I can relate. I have changed. I am not the same as I was. and I am totally happy that I am not. I am much more healthy. Much more focused on me and my health and what I have to do for me.

I have so much more energy. Inside I am still me with the same fears and insecurities, but there is no way you can go through a transformation this huge and not change. You just can't..

Would I say I am a "skinny bitch"? No. I really try not to be a bitch. I think I am a nice person. In fact, I have more energy and thus more time for others than I did presurgery. I volunteer at Olivia's House (a bereavement center for kids). I have taken on the job of assisting my elderly (97 yo) aunt with going to dr.

We schedule them around my work schedule as she lives 1 1/2 hours away. I am out on my bike and doing things all the time not just sitting around the house..

Relationships will change and that is just a fact of the.

Surgery.

Don't get too discouraged. Put your energy into working on the relationships that really matter to you. Some couples benefit from.

Counseling.

Some relationships are worth salvaging some have served there purpose and need to change as well..

I have a son who is overweight and I have come to the conclusion that I can't control what he eats anymore than anyone could control what I ate. In time he will make his own choices. All I can do at this point is love him and pray for him and keep healthy Medifast food in the house. The more I lecture him or pester him, the more he will resent me, so I cook healthy and keep healthy stuff here that he can eat and one day I know he will put it all together and make his own choices. For now, I am choosing to be a good example and I am choosing to love him no matter what. I ask him if he wants to go along when I go out.

Walking.

Or.

Biking.

And sometimes he does. It's the little steps that will make a difference. I am convinced..

Laura..

Comment #5

I'm 2 1/2 years out. People do change...it's not a bad thing. If you're not changing your dead, that's all there is too it..

As for relationships, if it's an important relationship to both parties you find ways to make it work. I've lost a few friends after.

Surgery.

Because they couldn't deal with my weight loss, or I couldn't deal with negativity. It happens..

However, when both are willing to work at it and overcome the issues that are being negativity to the relationship, it works and is often better..

My husband and I are still very close and have a great relationship, not without issues, but we both try very hard to keep our relationship happy and healthy..

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be PASSIVE in your relationships! Make sure that you communicate when things are hurting you, and that way if it doesn't work out, you know in your heart that you tried everything you could to make it work...

Comment #6

You should be very proud of yourself for doing so well, considering that it seems like you have little or no support! Good for you! Keep up the good work - in the end, it is all about how YOU feel about yourself. People can work out their own feelings about how they feel about us. Spending more than half my life worrying about what other people think, it is so freeing to just say to myself (and others) "well, it I all about me now". People have changed toward me too - jealousy? (why? it isn't as if any of this is easy). I think people do like you better when you are fat because it is easier for them to say whatever they want. When they have to treat you like a "normal" person, it makes it harder on them. Whatever the reson - keep it up - you are doing great!..

Comment #7

"Your Relationships Change After Gastric Bypass".

"It's no surprise that your relationship with Medifast food will change after gastric bypass. What does catch many people off guard is the way so many of your personal relationships change.".

Http://hubpages.com/hub/What-Life-A.....

Comment #8

This is my point about ppl or friends if you have them, their just as sick as we were when we were all fat and bitter at ourselves and life itself. Personally I think the sons of bitches are all overrated..

I'd rather ride my bike or hike to mountain top with my dogs than waste another minute if my life with anyone who doesn't at least accept me the way I was, am or will be..

Yup unlike family you can pick your friends OR NOT..

Never let some else dictate how you feel about you. Christ I'd rather look at myself in the mirror ( with or without clothes on) than be with mean ppl.

Love Lucifer..

Comment #9

You definately change on the inside as you lose the weight. I had my.

Surgery.

Over 9 months ago and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me, of course it isn't easy. Luckily my friends have been so supportive, but even they say I have changed because I have a new "bounce" in my step and they are so proud and excited for me. My family has been great too - except for a sister who hadn't seen me for 6 months and she didn't even acknowledge that I was looking great! It did not go unnoticed by the others in the family who were shocked. I figure she is jealous because she was always the skinny "perfect" one and I was the chubby fun one. I don't let it bother me and go on with my life feeling excited and proud of how far I have come and how good I feel! It is a lifestyle change to embrace and live to the fullest!..

Comment #10

Hi everyone! I read everyones posts all the time, I just rarely comment. I just have some stuff on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest, to people who know, or will know, what I'm going through..

I had my RNY.

Surgery.

May 24th, 2010 When I started the program, I was 250. I am now down to 168.8, as of this morning. I feel great, besides for when I look at my saggy skin that looks like a wrinkly 90 years old skin, I do feel great. I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror now. Not in a narcissist way, but in a way that I find things I like about myself now, instead of everything I hate..

I still feel mentally like the old me (I know this is normal, and takes a while for your brain to catch up), so I still "feel" fat. This weekend, I got to buy a pair of size 12 pants from Charlotte Russe, the one place I've dreamt of shopping all my life. It felt amazing..

I've noticed more often lately that my relationships with people are changing. More so, I feel that their relationship with me is, or has changed. For example, my neighbor and I used to be really close, and she was the one who drove me to my.

Surgery.

(babysitter issues caused my husband and mother and sister to get there right before I went back for.

Surgery.

). On the way down to the hospital, my neighbor kept saying that I was going to be a skinny bitch (it was all in fun, it didn't bother me at the time). Well, right as we were pulling into the hospital parking lot, she tells me "she doesn't know if she'll be able to be my friend when I'm all skinny." She laughed it off, but damn, that was really below the belt, and that changed things for me as far as our relationship went. I've only talked to her a couple of times since the.

Surgery.

, and each time it's been "skinny bitch" this, or "skinny bitch" that, and it's gone from good funny ribbing to uncomfortable for me. My husband even witnessed it one time and was like, "Damn, now I know what you were saying about how she is acting.".

My mother in law has started that too lately (She is extremely overweight as well, and has been told by a couple of her doctors that they would recommend her to have the.

Surgery.

There has been a scare recently of her having a silent heart attack, and she had to have.

Surgery.

This past Tuesday to have a ligament removed from her knee because it tore, and wore itself down to the bone). Secretly I'm hoping my success so far with the.

Surgery.

Will inspire her to take the steps available to save her life. I love her dearly, and don't want anything to happen to her..

My SIL, who is 19, is also overweight. She has been depressed about it for a while, and has tried and failed at numerous diets and.

Exercise.

, just as we all have. I talked to her one time about it, and recommended she go down and talk to my medical center that specializes in the weight loss and.

Surgery.

, and look at her options. There are other options other than.

Surgery.

, and I would never her push her into.

Surgery.

, I just want to help her to get help, if she wants it. Well, she and I were texting tonight, and she told me that she is depressed because she is fat, and how upset she was to see pictures of herself on Halloween, and I told her that I think she is beautiful no matter what she looks like ( I know it's a cliche statement to say, but I truly genuinely mean it, I think she is gorgeous, even if she doesn't see it). She responded with "LOL well...you don't live fat anymore so it's easier to say". All I could think is "What the hell? Now my own family is acting this way towards me?" Heck, I still don't know what to think, besides it makes me ache inside..

Why do I feel guilty for having this.

Surgery.

?.

I was blessed to not have a single co-morbidity before.

Surgery.

My BP was perfect, so was my cholesterol, no problems whatsoever. I just hated being fat. I had spent so many years (I'm 27 now) hating myself, that I truly just ran out of energy to hate myself. I know that sounds absurd, but one day I woke up and was like, I have no energy to do this to myself anymore, and thats when I started the process of having this.

Surgery.

..

My support network is small. My husband still til this day will tell me he thinks I was stupid for having this done, that I should have just ate smaller portions and exercised. He's yet to compliment me on how the new me looks. He's the one big reason I had the.

Surgery.

For, because I truly felt that if I lost weight, he would show more interest in me, in that way. I felt, if I couldn't show affection towards myself at that size, why would he. Now, I know me saying that makes him sound horribly mean, and on occasion, he can be. But we still laugh together, and we are still intimate (probably more so now because I want it more often), and he is respectful to me. He is just very opinionated, and will not sugar coat it for me, if I ask for his opinion..

I can go on and on, but what I'm really getting at is why do people say that I've changed, or they act differently to me, when for the most part, I am still the same me on the inside? Granted, I am happier, and I do have more confidence (not a lot, but a lot more than what I had before the.

Surgery.

), but I am still insecure. I still doubt myself constantly. AND I still have days when I put on clothes and look at the mirror and think to myself how fat I am. Almost 80 lbs later, I still have fat days..

I don't want my relationships to change. I know that I have control over only myself, but damn, why do things have to change?.

Thanks for "listening".

Kim..

Comment #11

The green eye monsters are alive and well.....

Kim, you did this for you. You got the information and made a conscience decision to do something that was good for you. You have no one to please but your self. Your husband should be your number one supporter. But partners get scared that once you come into your own they will be left behind. Friends, well if they are not supportive; were they really your real friends to begin with.

No Medifast diet on the planet is as safe to loose the amount of weight you have in the short time this has taken. Live your new life happy, healthy and full of love for yourself. You are your best cheerleader. We will continue to love and support you here. It is good to hear from you and how well you have done.

I have, I am doing great I am physically fit, wish I could say that about being mentally fit. My spouse is very ill, so I really don't have a lot of time to celebrate my own successes. I am happy at where I am, I listen to no ill thoughts about my choice to have the.

Surgery.

, have I lost friends those that are gone were really not friends any way. Those who have stayed in my life, are happy for me..

So, go forth young beautiful skinny person, have fun, enjoy the new you!.

Altheia..

Comment #12

You should never feel guilty for doing for YOU! If someone can't handle the fact that you are thin then that is on them. You have worked too hard to feel guilty for your success! I.

Hope.

You are able to work things out with your friends and family. I'm sure it is upsetting to you that people assume you've changed just b/c your waist size has changed..

Keep your chin up and be happy!!! You've done so well!!!..

Comment #13

The thing of it is, that people get used to us as we are. When we give ourselves this gift.....they feel threatened that we are no longer that person that has no self confidence, that wants to hide inside, in the corner or in the security of just them..

They feel like all of a sudden we change, feeling we are better than them. When in fact we have changed. That new found self confidence, liking ourselves,.

Walking.

Straighter, wanting to be seen and no longer hiding from anyone, is a huge change in our character. Some people aren't strong enough to handle these changes in us, that is why.

Divorce.

Rate after GBS is so high..

Don't let anyone bring you down. This is something you've worked for. It's in no way an easy fix, but it is a fix. We no longer feel like the broken, worn down person we were. Cheers for all of us!!!!..

Comment #14

Thanks for all the honest thoughts guys, I appreciate it..

I know that I have changed. I've spent since last night posting this thinking about this, and yes, I have changed. For the good. I feel good about myself. I do have more confidence. But I fully admit that I still have a long way to go mentally before I'm ok.



I wonder if my sister, and other people have thought I took the easy way out. We all know it isn't easy. Hell, when I shower and pull out what seems to be clumps of hair, that too me has been the worse part of this.

Surgery.

But do I complain? No, not one bit. I knew this would happen prior to.

Surgery.

I knew of everything else as well. I made a conscious decision to live this life, easy or not. Can't turn back now anyways, even if I wanted to..

I mentioned last night that my husband was a big part of me having this.

Surgery.

Although I know the ultimate reason should be for me, I realized an even bigger reason why I had this.

Surgery.

My 2 1/2 year old daughter. I am so grateful to be able to roll around on the ground with her, and chase her, and throw her up in the air, and go on walks, God, I could go on and on. Yea, I could do that stuff before, but now, it's so much easier, and more enjoyable as well. That little girl still wears me out and leaves me winded though!.

I am really trying to adapt a mentality of only being in control of me, and my thoughts, feelings, etc. I can't control anyone else. I wish I could, to an extent, but it can't happen. I've spent so long thinking about everyone else, their needs, their wants, their desires, that to be honest, trying to think about me is EXTREMELY uncomfortable. It's a daily process I'm working on. One that will take a while, I expect..

Once again, thanks for the advice. It's so great to be able to talk to people who can truly relate. I know I'm not an active responder on this site, but I am on several times a day, admiring and respecting from the shadows.....

KIm..

Comment #15

Good post. Thank you for sharing this with us..

There are definitely some people that have a difficult time dealing with the change in others...whether it be someones weight loss,.

Divorce.

Or whatnot. When people are struggling with their own issues in an unhealthy way...it is difficult to be supportive of others....even if that person is close to them..

You have made a life changing healthy choice for yourself. Unfortunately not everyone is going to join you on your journey. That's where we come in and especially the people that are truly supporting you at home..

Keep doing your thing. We all are here for you!!..

Comment #16

HI... Sorry you are going through all of this at a time when your life is feeling so GREAT :) I had my.

Surgery.

In may of 2009 and I have lost a few friends and the ones who stuck around look at me different and treat me different! It was kind of depressing for a while and I fell into a slump but,,, I realized it was their problem not mine and they arent going to rain on my parade... not any more! So my advice to you is... forget it... be happy with your choice be happy with your new life and new peole will come into your life in time :) and stick with your true friends who love and except you for who you are now...it's a long and hard process we go through with the weight loss and personal changes we go through and we really have no one to talk to about it except on here so when it gets to be too much just jump on here and vent :)..

Comment #17

I know I have changed, but it seems I haven't had any issues from close family and friends. And if people have a problem with the new me, they can piss up a rope..

I am blessed with the bestest of friends, and they have all been 110% supportive of my decision for WLS..

I am glad at this point in my life I am single.I don't have to deal with that additional crap...

Comment #18


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.